UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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