I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
