I love black thongs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
