I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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