3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
