my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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