please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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