in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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