We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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