Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
