69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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