Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
