you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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