Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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