Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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