They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry about my life...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
