I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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