Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
