Just cropdusted the office
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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