hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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