I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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