Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
