I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
