she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
