Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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