There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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