He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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