still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
jump out the window naked night went bad
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