Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
