I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
