fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
