She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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