is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I deserve this hangover.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
