I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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