Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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