I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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