Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize