fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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