I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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