that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
