wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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