I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
