He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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