I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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