so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
