i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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