if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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