My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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