She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor