I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.