My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh god the rape fog is back!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.