Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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