wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
