Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
