I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
