I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize