just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
