Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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