it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
